Mood adjustments

When I was small,
I'm distinctly told that my attitude in lessons are poor.
I was talking to others while teachers are doing their work, well teaching.

and I'm distinctly told by some others that my words are sometimes inappropriate.
saying wrong things at the wrong moments,
maybe at a party,
maybe in some normal chit-chat,
or maybe in some serious places, like temples.

It happened a lot and I am well-awared of that.
and so I changed.

now I feel like I'm a bit different.
I try to adjust my mood to the environments.

In meetings,
I always try to keep the conversion business-like.
I dun even want to smile when ppl is telling a joke.

To colleagues,
its the same,
never get used to letting them know that
I'm sometimes lazy.

And yesterday in funeral,
I dun want to talk.
Suddenly I felt a bit disguist when I see the mortal's parents talking casually in the place,
which I shouldn't be.
Quite unnecessary, to be honest.

I think I'm losing some of the chrisma I used to posess.
maybe a bit too strict to myself.

I should better understand that I am never a model of everyone,
and I never need to be.
A elder-brother figure syndrome ^^"